In early prophesising, I declared superior knowledge of “how you know a boy loves you”. (Yes, sometimes giving you his last Rolo is simply not enough.) And so now you find he’s beginning to grow on you quite nicely too…

Of course, as a general rule of thumb, especially in the initial stages (“best foot forward, butt-sniffing stage, still wearing my sexy undies”), honesty is best.

Things are moving along rather swimmingly with your New Man- you’ve established that he isn’t just a rebounder, or that he doesn’t wear women’s clothing part-time, you have common interests (who’d have thunk it! A man who appreciates 80’s music as much as you!), you live in the same country, he’s met your parents and vice versa, and he doesn’t wear stokies around the house.

Certain topics begin to creep into everyday conversation. You teeter on ‘serious relationship’ territory. It feels kinda… nice. Then, he starts becoming curious about exactly how much you spend on shoes, why your friend Trixy only wears her wedding ring half of the time, and why you have several folders on your PC containing pictures of the same damn rock star. The answers are pretty straight-forward (enough to buy a mansion in Llandudno; she’s cheating; and you have a childish crush even though you’re at child-bearing age).

Technically, there is no real limit to how much you can share with your NM, but there are some things that, I humbly advise, should remain secret. A female has her own skeletons she should keep hidden in her closet (um, if there’s space).

Relax. It’s all for the best.

You’re probably proud of your string of glorious ex-boyfriends. I am. (Except for that one cretin who broke into my Mom’s house to leave me 101 Post-It’s saying: “I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU” after knowing him a month) It’s one thing to brag to your bestie about to what degree your ex was an amazzzzzzing kisser, etc etc. But even if NM asks, he actually REALLY doesn’t want to know. Not about your best kiss, best date, unrequited love, or accidental nipple-flash to a rock star on the Oasis Australian Tour. I pinkie-swear.

Your finances are exactly that- yours. For now, at least. If you end up taking that wild leap of faith, one day you may want to share a bank account. Until now, it’s absolutely OK if he knows your approximate salary, and a few of your monthly bills, but he doesn’t need to know that Aldo has you on speed-dial for whenever a new shoe waltzes into store with your name on it.

Your parents, sister, best Girlfriend and best Gayfriend are on your Board of Directors. Naturally, this means that they know that he cried when you threatened to break up with him. Guys do not understand the need for you to divulge his embarrassing moments to your nearest and dearest, especially if you’d have his balls for breakfast for showing his best mate that pic of you with a trail toilet paper stuck on your shoe for 2kms.

Every woman has her weaknesses. And I don’t mean chocolate and Louboutins. (Well, not in this instance, anyway). It could be the sight of that moth with the 1m wide wingspan, or the noise in the ceiling that sounds freakily similar to a mongoose with a chainsaw. I personally don’t like being a damsel in distress in need of a knight in shining armour. Stay tough. Freaking out and checking if a bat is in your hair is something you should do when no-one else is around.

As my ex will attest, I keep Dis-Chem and Clicks in business. I spend a horrendous amount there every month. But what exactly I do with that array of strange potions and thingamagodies is not for my NM to know. He’s supposed to think I wake up perpetually smooth and spot-free every day of my life. 

It’s expected that couples share all the dirty little secrets about their friends. What you tell one person in a couple, you are really telling both. This is a bad idea as far as your friends are concerned, especially those you hang out with on a regular basis. Do you think NM will be cool with you grabbing drinks with your chum who is cheating on her husband? Do you think he’ll tell you to have fun on a weekend trip with a bunch of friends who include that dude you fooled around with in the broom cupboard that one very inebriated time? Don’t let him examine the skeletons in your friends’ closets. It will just cause NM to not like them, not trust them, and will make hanging out with them an impossible task.