“But he was so loooooovely, dude. He wore his special Paul Smith fragrance on our first date, he was funny, generous and *sigh* dude he was just soooooo lovely…”

Guy friend: “Wait. Was this before or AFTER he called the waitress a cow?”

Me: *sheepish* “Before.”

GF: “And was this before or after you walked out the restaurant because he was rude?”

Me: *irritated* “Before.”

GF: *smug Cheshire Cat grin* “Yeah well dude. He’s clearly a loooooovely person. You should marry him.”

Damn male friends and their all-knowing factuality.

Girlfriend: “Wait. He said whhhaaaaat at the restaurant? Oh nuh-uh girlfriend no ways. I don’t believe the cheek of that jerk. And he sent sunflowers? Oh Lord. No. Well. At least now you can flirt with his best friend.”

Damn female friends and their emotive histrionics.

Me, I’m gonna do neither.

I’m going to be real mature like.

I’m just going to delete his number, ignore him in public and just pretend we never met.

That’ll learn him.