“Hi yes, I can talk. I’m just busy making my bed, putting on my warpaint, getting dressed and making a high protein no carb breakfast… Yes- tonight sounds great. I just need to attend a jewellery auction, post a blog and sell something on Etsy from 17h00 to 18h00, but from then, I’m all yours.”

 

Hi, my name is Candy.

 

I don’t have ADHD, nor do I have an Adderall addiction.

 

I am a Version 2.011.02.08. And those are the sorts of conversations I have at 7am every morning.

 

Busy is the new black. Being contactable, is the new money.

 

I have MySpace, Twitter, Facebook, Blackberry messenger, Hotmail, Google+, fax-to-email, a Tank website, a work cellphone, and a spare cellphone- ‘just in case’. (Just in case what?! In case of the Mayan Calendar ending on 31st October 2012?)

 

My best friend ‘de-Faced’ last week. She’s moving to China where it’s illegal and she’s preparing herself. To say I’m grieving, is an understatement.

 

My date had had his latest iPhone 5 stolen (which incidentally will even floss your teeth for you). We sat having that 18h30-19h30 drink one weeknight. He’s a patient, lovely, kind man. After 5 minutes, he said: “Babe. Cellphones off. Look at me.’

 

How perfect.

 

Prone to carefully created balance, it was all I needed. We spoke about how we showed people how

much we loved them- how ‘thank you’ letters were replaced by a one-liner email, a delivered letter was now replaced with an ‘event’.

 

Regarding dating, it’s just a trainwreck, really. Being stalked online because you neglected to click ‘custom’ as opposed to ‘public’; having your pets/parentals/freaky cousin all displayed in your ‘info’... those horrific tagged photo’s from that dubstep party in Melbourne in 2007, not deleting a ‘FW:’ in your subject header… Aye yai yai.

 

Worst is the ‘message read: 2 Feb 2012: 06h17’ thing. No. That won’t be necessary.

I just need to know the message was safely delivered by my carrier pigeons, thanks.

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