We see it all the time. We have friends who’ve done it, hell, I’ve done it.

We’ve all ‘settled’.

Like rollerblading tipsy without kneepads, it all seemed like a good idea at the time, until someone got hurt.


Oh I understand the deep need for a spooning partner, a good bout of tonsil-hockey and someone to share a chocolate fondant with. (Share! Fondant! HA!) I am not insensitive to these primal urges. But that’s what gay husbands, body pillows or booty calls are for, right?


In this quagmire of dating in our 30’s, as FNAW (Feministical New Age Women) it’s easy to find the whole ordeal quite tumultuous and stressful. You meet freaks. This is Cape Town, after all. So when someone comes along who is not a freak, you think twice. He has an RGSOH (Ridonk Good Sense of Humour). Or he is an amazing cook who happens to specialise in chocolate desserts. Or he likes Tame Impala and Whitest Boy Alive and The Presets. Or he isn’t busy raising a child single-handedly. Or he isn’t on methadone ‘for therapeutic purposes’. You know, all very rare and attractive things, at this point of life.

So yes, judge me if you like- I have been lured by these very mesmerising things.

Like shopping at Mr Price. But it looks SO RAD on the hanger! On the internet! And then, you try it on and OH HELLZ NO.

The good news is: I am reformed.

All it took to see the error of my ways was One Short Date. One sad date where I got the sneaking whiff of a “You. I could settle for you”- shocking, but believe it. Its odour is unmistakeable. I am just the right amount of self-assured to be ok with admitting that for someone, I was not The Prize.

It was fantastic.

I know I’m hilarious. I know I make a mean roast with all the trimmings. I know that I have sexy eyebrows and am not an idiot. So knowing that my combination of traits wasn’t sending this particular man into the stratosphere with excitement was quite alright with me.

Instead of settling, I suggest we all trade up. Being single is nice. It really is. If you don’t think so, I would tend to ask you why. Why trade it in for anything less than a really good fit?

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