“ In sociology, manners are the unenforced standards of conduct which demonstrate that a person is proper, polite, and refined. They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behavior, but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing transgressions, the main informal "punishment" being social disapproval. They are a kind of norm. What is considered "mannerly" is highly susceptible to change with time, geographical location, social stratum, occasion, and other factors. That manners matter is evidenced by the fact that large books have been written on the subject, advice columns frequently deal with questions of mannerly behavior, and that schools have existed for the sole purpose of teaching manners. A lady is a term frequently used for a woman who follows proper manners; the term gentleman is used as a male counterpart. “


Thank you, Wikipedia, for clearing that up. It’s simple. Manners matter.


I recently met a man who couldn’t speak English very well at all, and was from a land far far away, where his faith and culture couldn’t be more different than mine.


Despite that, we were able to communicate, and actually have really profound conversations about relationships and what is really important to us (I understand a smattering of Spanish and Italian. It helped). We’re thick as thieves now, and speak every day. How on earth is that possible, when men with exactly the same history as I do can’t even reply to an email? Simple. He had amazingly good manners, and was more respectful and tolerant than any man I’ve met in ages. Sad.


Like good taste, everyone thinks they have manners. This isn’t the case.

Some particularly abhorrent examples of bad manners from boys include:


-         Rudeness towards anyone in the service industry. A man who’s rude to a waitron or car guard is guaranteed to never see me again.


-         A man who arrives to a date whiffing of alcohol and cigarettes with dirty hair or clothing?? Guaranteed to not even get me out the front door. Perhaps this is also a good time to mention Clorets?


-         A man who gossips probably also wears Crocs at home and listens to Celine Dion. BIG NO!!


-         A man who flips the bird in traffic will probably have me climbing out the window. I have sunk low into many a passenger seat. Road rage is ok from me when I’m alone, err, but that’s like so totally different.


-         An educated man with no excuse to have bad spelling and grammar really annoys me. His parents paid good money to have him be taught the difference between “wear, were and where”. Come on, are you kidding me? Even cellphones have in-built spell check nowadays!


-         Any sort of intentional emission from any orifice isn’t necessary, thank you very much.


-         Misogynistic behaviour isn’t just terribly unfunny but disgusting.


-         Same goes for racism.


-         I am really suspicious of a man who’s totally different in front of his mates. Life’s too short to play charades.


-         If you say you’re going to call, do. My life won’t end if you don’t, but you’ll just look like a douchebag and I’ll tell all my friends.


-         My friends might kill me for saying this, but here goes: I think it’s totally ok for a man to at least offer to open the car door. There are going to be times when that’s impossible, yes. But I think it’s sweet. Like when it’s raining and a guy offers to pull the car up, so you don’t have to get wet. (I have no issues with the rain. At all. But still.)


-         I appreciate that men only really realise children exist when they actually father one. But to treat kids like vermin really pisses most chicks off.


-         Men who are rude to their mums or sisters are creeps. End of story.


-         Men who are rude to MY mum or sister will be lucky to make it to their next birthday.


I dated a man for years who made no money and drove a clapped out car. On our first date, he helped an old lady across the road. I went on a date with a man who drove a R1 million Porsche who asked me to go dutch on the restaurant bill. Wtf.


It’s easy. Manners maketh the man. No ifs, buts, or maybes. Ever.


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Comment by Beth Seagal on December 27, 2011 at 21:41

Totally agree, nothing worse than bad manners. Great post Candy

Comment by Candy Paula May on December 28, 2011 at 16:56

Thanks Beth!! Hooooorah for manners I say!!

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