If I had to choose between giving birth and going great white shark cage diving again, I think I would choose giving birth.  At least here you have a nurse and the option of pethidine.

There are many things wrong with this sport.

The name, for starters.  There is no diving. There isn’t even snorkeling. What there is, is a lot of holding your breath, ducking down, coming up, ducking down again, gasping, spluttering , swallowing sea water and knowing you are about to die.

Wet suits.  These are ridiculous. They take forever to put on, they do not make anyone look in the least bit attractive, and then they are impossible to get off. They also do not work. They protect your body, but not your head, and once your head is freezing, well, welcome to the Ice Age.

Vomiting. Nobody enjoys doing this. Yet everybody did it.  Even me, and I take pride on the fact that I never vomit. I made sure I didn’t eat before I stepped gingerly aboard, I’d taken more than one stugeron, and I kept my eyes on the horizon. Nothing helped.

In retrospect, the vomiting may have been the best part. The camaraderie you develop as you all hang over the side of the boat, sharing the remains of your breakfast is one that will stay with you forever.

And then there’s the teasing.  Like holding a bone up for a dog but not giving it. Like promising a blow job to your partner and then saying just kidding. Like throwing big juicy fish heads to the sharks, but then jerking them away as the shark’s about to sink his teeth into them.

It’s horrible.

I can’t say this for sure, as I have never seen a delighted shark, but the ones I saw below the water did not look overly happy.  They looked pissed off.  Huge, extraordinary magnificent creatures with rather large teeth and kinda angry eyes. 

And I have a feeling their teeth may get bigger and their eyes may get angrier, the longer this goes on.

Nothing blew me away on this trip, except the swells. And the wind. And how easy it is to share your peas and carrots with strangers.

Don’t do it.  Giving birth is much easier.

* Dive done with White Shark Ecoventures. They were good,professional and threw their fish heads perfectly. I am sorry I hated it, and also sorry I kept the wet suit,but dammit, I just couldn't get it off...