Candy Paula May's Blog (64)

It's A Sign...

"Oh my gaaaad, did you notice? When he said he only wears Leather Oud, I knew. I knew he was a Cancerian.”

 

“And!! He was so cagey and private. So Cancerian.”

 

“What are you two chicks talking about? I knew he was a Cancerian when I saw he had no socks on.”

 

Guy friend: “WHAT?!!! You girls are so lame. I’m wearing B.O, I’m as open as a book, and as you can see I’m wearing socks with my shoes. AND! I am a…

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Added by Candy Paula May on August 28, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

Seductive Power of Vocabulary

Added by Candy Paula May on August 21, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

Social Mediocre..

“Hi yes, I can talk. I’m just busy making my bed, putting on my warpaint, getting dressed and making a high protein no carb breakfast… Yes- tonight sounds great. I just need to attend a jewellery auction, post a blog and sell something on Etsy from 17h00 to 18h00, but from then, I’m all yours.”

 

Hi, my name is Candy.

 

I don’t have ADHD, nor do I have an Adderall addiction.

 

I am a Version 2.011.02.08.…

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Added by Candy Paula May on August 14, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

The Marked Man...

We all have a ‘type’. My friends are so predictable, when they tell me they met someone, I already know what they look like before I meet them.

Friend A and her fetish for gym bunnies with shaved heads, Friend B with her fetish for men with large, handsome, bulging wallets, and Friend C and her fetish for muso’s who wear beanies. I can pretty much choose boys for them from a catalogue.

Me? I am the WORST most sickeningly predictable of all.

Every single one of the men…

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Added by Candy Paula May on August 7, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

Hopeless unRomantic...

 

I look down and ponder. Well, beer is my friend…

 

I’m…

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Added by Candy Paula May on July 17, 2012 at 12:30 — No Comments

Single Sympathy...

Oh darl, I pray every day that you will find your Mr Right” says friend. *insert sound of screeching record* I’m sorry, what? When was the God Intervention? Dang, did I sleep late again?

 

Please save your prayers. I’m sure God has more important things to worry about. Libya, Zimbabwe, Uitenhage’s fashion crisis… to name but a few.

Being patronised to that extent should be punishable by law.

Law wielding a blue permanent tattoo…

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Added by Candy Paula May on June 19, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

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Added by Candy Paula May on June 12, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

Trivial Pursuits...

“But he was so loooooovely, dude. He wore his special Paul Smith fragrance on our first date, he was funny, generous and *sigh* dude he was just soooooo lovely…”

 

Guy friend: “Wait. Was this before or AFTER he called the waitress a cow?”

Me: *sheepish* “Before.”

GF: “And was this before or after you walked out the restaurant because he was rude?”

Me: *irritated* “Before.”

GF: *smug Cheshire Cat grin*…

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Added by Candy Paula May on June 5, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

Must Love Canines...

For all intensive purposes, I am a rural lass. A lot of my childhood was spent playing in long grass, minding the snakes, and running with the dogs in the opposite direction of where the baboons were.

 

Time spent between farms and the beach just aren’t the same without big, blustery, rascally canines.

 

This is the same for everyone, right?

 

Wrong. Dating and Dogs. Not the homosapien type. I used to think I’d never date a guy…

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Added by Candy Paula May on May 22, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

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Added by Candy Paula May on May 15, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

D.U.I...

You’re losing control: your face is looking a bit Munster-ish, your tongue isn’t polishing off those vowels quite as desired, and… well… people are starting to stare.

 

Dating Under the Influence. It should be a felony.

 

I’ve always loved my alcoholic beverages. I think it’s something to do with my Scottish heritage (or, at least, that’s what generations of us have blamed it on).

 

A Muslim best friend of mine…

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Added by Candy Paula May on May 8, 2012 at 18:00 — 2 Comments

Awkward Turtle...

So it’s been a looooooong time since I’ve actually liked someone. Sure, I’ve had my interest piqued a few times. Until, A) they’ve divulged their stamp-collecting obsession, B) they’ve voiced their desires to travel to Phuket and have gender reassignment surgery or C) all of the above.

 

I’m not so much the desperado type. I’m so busy that I’d seriously consider cloning myself, and I’m happy being single. Really happy.

 

Luckily that comes…

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Added by Candy Paula May on April 17, 2012 at 18:00 — 3 Comments

Bad Shoe Rising...

Style is largely subjective. Aside from white leather, pleather, real fur, and Crocs, right?

 

Wrong. As one celebrity said- “One woman’s leopard print is another woman’s poison”. (OK I totally just made that up.)

So, I’ve been a serial monogamist like, foreeeeveeeer. Being in 3 “biggy” relationships from the age of 15 to 30, I’ve been somewhat sheltered, you could say. Sheltered from all the men with bad hair, gold neckchains, canary yellow…

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Added by Candy Paula May on April 10, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

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Added by Candy Paula May on April 3, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

Ho's Before Bro's...

OK. I get that it’s Cape Town, all the Euro’s have left for the winter, the biological clock started ticking, and there’s maybe a little pressure from the parentals to have kids.

 

But that is absolutely NO excuse to try steal a girl’s man from under her perfectly proportioned nose.

 

I recently had my first experience with the Boy Snatcher. We were acquaintances, had many things in common, and she didn’t seem to be a bit freaky and twisted.…

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Added by Candy Paula May on March 27, 2012 at 18:00 — 3 Comments

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Added by Candy Paula May on March 6, 2012 at 18:00 — 1 Comment

Young Blood and Old Dogs...

It’s old hat- a man dating a younger woman. It’s like, as common as hearing Kings of Leon on the radio.

 

But a 30 year old woman dating a guy younger than her… Well, let’s see. I’m not “old” enough to be a sugar mommy and trawl the gyms for young stallions…

This ‘life timeline’ grey area makes it weird.

I’ve dated men older than me. Conversation’s great for a while… “so tell me what it was like to serve in the Army?”…… “ice…

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Added by Candy Paula May on February 28, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

One Nighter...

Everyone talks about it. Books document it. Hell, a whole 12 seasons of a HBO show was all about it.

 

The One Night Stand.

 

Not that I am a pushover to peer pressure, but maybe I was a bit curious about the whole procedure. Being single proper for about 4 months, I grew curiouser and curiouser still…

 

I have enough grey matter to know a few things about myself and that sex without love is about as attractive to me as a…

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Added by Candy Paula May on February 7, 2012 at 18:00 — 7 Comments

Ladder High...

Old school, hell yes. Old fashioned, definitely. Avant-garde in my approach to most things, certainly. Prude, nuh uh.

 

When I was growing up, we always knew that there wasn’t really sage in the Robertson’s spice jar, it was another altogether more fun herb that our parents had very well hidden at the back of that high kitchen cupboard.

My parents were a product of the 60’s and 70’s, for sure. I never saw them stoned but I definitely remember…

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Added by Candy Paula May on January 31, 2012 at 18:00 — No Comments

Yes...

Added by Candy Paula May on January 24, 2012 at 18:00 — 1 Comment


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