"Oh my gaaaad, did you notice? When he said he only wears Leather Oud, I knew. I knew he was a Cancerian.”

“And!! He was so cagey and private. So Cancerian.”

“What are you two chicks talking about? I knew he was a Cancerian when I saw he had no socks on.”

Guy friend: “WHAT?!!! You girls are so lame. I’m wearing B.O, I’m as open as a book, and as you can see I’m wearing socks with my shoes. AND! I am a…

“Hi yes, I can talk. I’m just busy making my bed, putting on my warpaint, getting dressed and making a high protein no carb breakfast… Yes- tonight sounds great. I just need to attend a jewellery auction, post a blog and sell something on Etsy from 17h00 to 18h00, but from then, I’m all yours.”

Hi, my name is Candy.

I don’t have ADHD, nor do I have an Adderall addiction.

I am a Version 2.011.02.08.…

We all have a ‘type’. My friends are so predictable, when they tell me they met someone, I already know what they look like before I meet them.

Friend A and her fetish for gym bunnies with shaved heads, Friend B with her fetish for men with large, handsome, bulging wallets, and Friend C and her fetish for muso’s who wear beanies. I can pretty much choose boys for them from a catalogue.

Me? I am the WORST most sickeningly predictable of all.

Every single one of the men…